5 Things Single Men & Women Should Know Before Getting Married

1. Intimacy doesn't start or end in the bedroom
Sex is holy (set apart for a specific purpose). In marriage, it is a beautiful gift, and we honor God, the Giver, when we accept the gift with joy and enthusiasm. A husband and wife honors Him when they cultivate physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy. And that's the key - all three of these areas must be cultivated. ​

Sex doesn’t create intimacy, it is a result of intimacy. You can’t fix a frail marriage by having more sex. Here's something you will probably never hear in church (or maybe you will, depending on where you gather) - Good sex, the way God created it,  is a byproduct of your relationship with God and each other, not a result of cleverness, craftiness, or creativeness.

2. God is your treasure
Your spouse is not your treasure. Your children are not your treasure. Your job is not your treasure. Your hobby is not your treasure. Your physical, earthly belongings are not your treasure. If anything but God is your treasure, you will be miserable. God alone is our great reward, as He told Abraham in Genesis 15. In other words, He, and only He, is the One who fulfills our deepest needs. 

3. You are called to work together at something
God doesn't bring you together with another human being, whom He made and loves deeply, so that you can just live selfish lives. He wants you to build and create, for His glory.

Drifting can happen to any couple. Don't think you're prone just because you're 'involved' in church, wear matching outfits on special occasions, say your prayers before bedtime together, or both agree that the Democrats have gone too far (did I just go too far?). You get the idea. Life is tough. You need to be clothed with the full armor of God.

When you're both doing something together on a consistent basis it will help build a hedge around idleness and, dare I say, boredom (for insight on this topic, READ HERE).

4. Don't have many friends
Read what the Bible says about friendship and you'll find that you don't need to have many of them. Not everyone will listen. Not everyone will really, truly care. Not everyone seeks to understand before speaking. Not everyone makes time for you. Not everyone is genuinely happy for you when things go good, or sad with you when things go bad. The list goes on. It takes a lot of energy and can cause a lot of heartache to try to maintain friendships with people that are better suited to simply be an acquaintance. Loving them doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of time with them or that you have to be friends. 

Daniela and I can count on our hands the amount of friends we have, individually and together. It's like this on purpose.

Read Proverbs 18:24. The two words used for friend are different. One refers to the type of person who is not dependable, the other refers to one who loves. Know this - There is only One who is a True Friend to us.  He has loved us and continues to love us like no one ever can. He took the wrath of God and drank the up of suffering. And...He calls us friend (John 15:15)! What love!
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​5. Pay attention to mentors
Don't think you know everything. Don't ignore your parents (if they are still living). Don't ignore the advice of couples or individuals who are further along than you in life. Reflect on the fact that you have a lot to learn and be thankful that God has put people in your life from whom you can learn. They will help you avoid unnecessary hardships, see things from a different perspective, and encourage you with wise counsel.

If any, some or all of these things are difficult for you or non-existent in your life, keep being unmarried. I'm not being harsh. (This is the way I would probably say it to my boys when they are older). Get alone with God until you realize how awesome He is. Get to know yourself better and pray boldly that God will uncover areas of your heart and life that need to be corrected, torn down, mended, and so on.

Keep the fire burning,
Danny