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In our marriage journey, Daniela and I have found a meaningful way to nurture our relationship. Instead of the traditional date nights, which occur sporadically, we have chosen to prioritize regular, intentional time together. This approach works for us but we're not imposing it on others. You need to find your own meaningful method.
Rather than just setting aside specific "date nights," we integrate quality time into our daily and weekly routines. This method helps us stay connected and grow together. What Does This Look Like? Before I loved my wife, Daniela, I liked her.
I enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her. We shared common interests, had similar convictions, and deep, lively conversations seemed to come naturally. (She was also from the same town where my Dad grew up, that helped with the connection. He was proud.) We were able to laugh and cry together. I saw myself building a life together with her and dreamed of things I wanted to do. Not much has changed. Except now we have bills. And two boys that need to be raised. And a master closet that needs to be remodeled. What keeps us together is stronger than just liking each other (God's love and grace has everything to do with it) but we wouldn't be where we are today without having first liked each other (God's love and grace had everything to do with that as well). Although He has strengthened our relationship far beyond casual talk and dreams, we had small beginnings. Small but meaningful. For the couple out there who feels they've gotten out of touch with each other, you might need to get back to the liking phase. If you feel stuck, there's no point dwelling on what got you here. Talk about it. Pray about it. Tackle the problem(s), not the person. But don't dwell. Move on. Commit to change (i.e., repentance). Here are some simple suggestions you can start this week:
Keep the Fire Burning, Danny  1) Attend and be active at a church together Worship is not only for Sunday mornings, or whatever day you gather with fellow believers. However, the accountability, inspiration, and discipline of leaving your home to join with other Christians, worshipping God and learning from His Word, is a powerful act of obedience in your marriage. If you’re currently engaged and happen to live far apart, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to attend church together. But that doesn’t mean you can’t share what’s happening and the different ways you are involved at the church you attend. Don’t worry, the day will shortly come when you can go to “church” together (I’m referring to the building). God did not create us to function independently of the body of Christ, the believers. We need each other. Church is not only a place where you can use your gifts to bless others (see 1 Pet.4:10,11, NKJV) but a place where God uses others to bless you. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJV) tells us that meeting together is an essential part of growing in our faith. We’ve seen couples drift because participating in the gathering of the saints was not a priority for them. One common narrative that we’ve heard from these couples goes something like this: We can’t seem to find a church that’s right for us. They’ll stay at one church for several months, maybe even a year or two and then go to another one. Then, the narrative repeats. Do you see a pattern? At some point, you must search yourselves and come to the hard reality that you may be the problem. There is no perfect church because there are no perfect people. But that shouldn’t keep us from gathering in the presence of the One who is perfecting us. Some might think that it can be a sacrifice to give up that one chance during the week to sleep in. If you have young children, you know that it can be a challenge getting everyone out the door on time. But the sacrifice is well worth it when you connect with a faith-community that resonates with your soul. On that note, we need to be careful about what we call sacrifice. In the western world, we might get puffed up thinking that we are making a “sacrifice” by taking 2 hours out of our jam-packed week to attend a church service. Jesus didn’t die so that you can get a high on good performance. We go to church out of love. Go back to where we talked about The Circle of Spiritual Discipline, and you’ll recall that everything we do as a Christian is but a response of love to the love God has shown us. Being active together with the church of God, the world-wide community of true believers, will be a means for much encouragement and correction. Speaking from experience, as you do life and ministry with your brothers and sisters, you will often be reminded about how much you don’t know, and how much you must learn. At the same time, you’ll also be reminded about how faithful God has been, and how far you’ve come, by His grace. We grow as a couple in the context of a community. We need to hear the stories and perspectives of others to be encouraged to keep doing good.   Attention all husbands (especially the newbies): Don't give your wife reasons to stress.
I know, sometimes this might seem impossible...and some of you are probably thinking, "Have you met my wife!?" LOL The reality is, she already has enough to think about it. After nearly 17 years of marriage (beginner here), I have made a mental (and now, written) list of some of the actions, lack of action, words, attitudes, or phrases that have triggered worry, stress or irritation in my wife. I like to think I have a good pulse on the state of our relationship but, of course, I must always keep learning. And I'd like to help you along the way. So... As of July 2021, here is my short list of the things that will trigger stress in your wife. Yes, these are universal and commonly found in all couples who will be honest and care to admit to them. |
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June 2024
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