 King Solomon and his Shulamite wife had a relationship that many married couples would probably like to have (if you haven't read Song of Solomon, go read it). What was at the heart of their relationship? The Shulamite revealed one of the key characteristics. Speaking of her husband, she declared, "This is my beloved, and this is my friend" (Song 5:16). Friendship was clearly at the foundation of their marital relationship and probably had to do a lot with their romance and intimacy.
Whether you've been married for 30 years or 30 weeks, this is an important question to consider: Why do some married couples stop being friends? I've made an inventory from my own experience and from observing couples around us. Here's a short list: 1) He/She/Both stopped meeting with God regularly 2) Something or someone else got them more excited and 'stole' their attention 3) They stopped doing things together 4) The husband settled for the low bar of simply being a provider (such a misused and misinterpreted term) 5) The wife settled for the low bar of simply being, well, a wife (she is so much more, not to get cliche or anything but read Proverbs 31) 6) Children became more important (sometimes even used as an excuse not to spend time together; a huge No-No!) 7) They stopped surprising each other (Remember how you'd do things for each other? Unplanned, spontaneous things...) 8) They stopped praying together 9) They wanted some 'space' (whatever that means); They started living independently, like a single person 10) They talked and listened to each other less and less (with their eyes, ears, and heart) How can a husband and wife be friends again?  If you think dating websites and social media apps are destroying relationships today, you would have steered clear of cars in the 1900s (pun intended). Cars didn’t just speed up a historical shift from teenage codependence to independence, they fed the growth of an entire sub-culture.
Think about it: Buses began to drive students further from their homes. One-room schoolhouses eventually gave way to large buildings (schools) filled with unsettled crowds of adolescents and their hormones.* According to historians and spiritual leaders, this is pretty much what started the moral decay of young men and women of teen age years and what eventually led to, or influenced in some way, the sexual revolution of the 1960's in the USA. Things have come a long way since then. They are way worse. There is a new line being crossed When talking with a younger couple, not yet married, it does not take long to get a sense of whether or not they have passed the line. (I know, some of you are thinking, Did he just go there?) |
ABOUTShort, Biblical lessons and free resources on all things love & marriage. A pocket-guide for married couples and for single adults who want Gods best for their life. ARCHIVES
June 2024
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