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Before I loved my wife, Daniela, I liked her.
I enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her. We shared common interests, had similar convictions, and deep, lively conversations seemed to come naturally. (She was also from the same town where my Dad grew up, that helped with the connection. He was proud.) We were able to laugh and cry together. I saw myself building a life together with her and dreamed of things I wanted to do. Not much has changed. Except now we have bills. And two boys that need to be raised. And a master closet that needs to be remodeled. What keeps us together is stronger than just liking each other (God's love and grace has everything to do with it) but we wouldn't be where we are today without having first liked each other (God's love and grace had everything to do with that as well). Although He has strengthened our relationship far beyond casual talk and dreams, we had small beginnings. Small but meaningful. For the couple out there who feels they've gotten out of touch with each other, you might need to get back to the liking phase. If you feel stuck, there's no point dwelling on what got you here. Talk about it. Pray about it. Tackle the problem(s), not the person. But don't dwell. Move on. Commit to change (i.e., repentance). Here are some simple suggestions you can start this week:
Keep the Fire Burning, Danny 2) Start and end your day with praise & thanksgiving
If you opened your eyes this morning and discovered that you still have breath, you have reason to rejoice! God gave you life, thank Him for it! Practice praise. Make it a priority at the start and end of each day. Sometimes, it may look something like wrapping your arms around each other in the morning, saying I love you, and thanking God for another day. Other times, it’s the two of you grabbing a coffee (or a nutritional beverage), sitting on the couch, and reading a Psalm together. And still other times it might just be enjoying a beautiful drive, a walk at a nearby park, or a trip through the mountains, or by the ocean, in awe of the Creator. From the very morning, as a couple, learn to turn your thoughts and focus upon God. It will put the rest of your day in proper perspective. Worship is the expression of adoration for God. It is an acknowledgement of His worth (and, oh, what unfathomable worth) and all that He is. [Excerpt from Daily Altar: 7 Disciplines of a Power Couple]
"...we should not make a career, so to speak, out of misapplying Galatians 6:2. Making it known to God is often sufficient. There are some, and for this context we’ll focus on married couples, who have a habit of sharing absolutely everything about their lives. The good, the bad, and the very ugly. Be wise. Some couples misuse this command to bear one another’s burdens to avoid their own responsibilities. Habitually coming to the church family with requests and expectations for help or intervention is not a sign of maturity. You may be quick to share publicly that your husband has a bad temper and got into a verbal altercation with a cop when he was stopped for speeding, but did you tell God about it? If we err too far on the side of silence, we tend to become self-reliant (so we think), creating a distance between us and our brothers and sisters. But if we spill out complaints from an attitude of self-pity or self-righteousness, in the case of a spouse who shames their partner in public, we fail to mature and become dependent on others to solve all our problems."  Whether you recently got married or you've been married for several years, intimacy is important.
The men reading this probably thought immediately of sex. Yes, that's important, but keep in mind, it's a byproduct of spiritual and emotional intimacy, just as I wrote about HERE. I'm talking about intimacy in communication. Sharing, dreaming, exploring, challenging, learning, listening, explaining, and so much more. The problem is, it doesn't just happen. You have to work at it. Here's a simple tip: Don't start with verbal communication. Start with written communication. For the last few years, Daniela and I have been using a journal that we write in and then give back to each other. I even drew pictures in it to make it more creative and entertaining. Make it your own. I haven't wrote in it as much as I would have liked but it's getting better. The key is to keep it somewhat consistent and the purpose is to allow the written communication to spark/lead to verbal communication. Sometimes the entries are long and deep, other times they're short and simple. So, if you have a spouse who is not very talkative and finds it hard to keep a discussion, grab a journal. Or, even if both of you have no problems with verbal communication, this is still a great way to keep the fire burning! Start small, maybe a simple love note or a thoughtful 'thank you.' The back and forth creates a sense of excitement and the both of you start to look forward to the next entry. When you're done writing, place the journal in a spot where you know your spouse will see it, like on the table by their side of the bed or on an office chair. Again, make it your own! |
ABOUTShort, Biblical lessons and free resources on all things love & marriage. A pocket-guide for married couples and for single adults who want Gods best for their life. ARCHIVES
June 2024
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