<![CDATA[ALTARPRENEUR - ALTARMARRIAGE]]>

<![CDATA[ALTARPRENEUR - ALTARMARRIAGE]]>Thu, 12 Feb 2026 15:37:45 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[What We Do Instead of 'Date Nights']]>Tue, 18 Jun 2024 12:47:01 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/what-we-do-instead-of-date-nightsIn our marriage journey, Daniela and I have found a meaningful way to nurture our relationship. Instead of the traditional date nights, which occur sporadically, we have chosen to prioritize regular, intentional time together. This approach works for us but we're not imposing it on others. You need to find your own meaningful method.

Rather than just setting aside specific "date nights," we integrate quality time into our daily and weekly routines. This method helps us stay connected and grow together.

What Does This Look Like?

Daily Activities: We enjoy the simple things. One day, it may be a bike ride or walk around town (we're currently in Ave Maria. If you're thinking of moving to FL, reach out). This gives us the chance to talk, enjoy the sun/air, and experience our surroundings together. On another day, it might be a ride in our Jeep CJ7, exploring the back roads and enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes, it's as simple as sharing a nice dinner and watching the sunset, or cleaning the kitchen together. This is not always by ourselves, we often get the boys involved too! These moments, though seemingly ordinary, become extraordinary because we are together.

Weekly Routines: We also make it a point to incorporate activities that align with our faith and strengthen our connection. Dinner as a family, prayer, Bible reading, singing, and attending church together are crucial parts of our routine. These practices not only strengthen our relationship with each other but also deepen our relationship with God.

Why This Approach Is (More) Meaningful & Effective

Consistent connection: By making time for each other regularly, we maintain a steady and strong connection versus just getting together once a week (to dress up so we can go eat; nothing wrong with this, it has it's place). Instead of designating one night per week for time together, deeper talks, planning, etc., we cultivate this within the everyday. This consistency helps us to navigate life's ups and downs with a unified front.

Shared experiences: Engaging in everyday activities allows us to create a wealth of shared memories. We've done so many neat things together, as a couple and as a family. These experiences form a strong foundation for our relationship and provide a treasure trove of moments to look back on. #holdthemoments

Spiritual growth: Integrating our faith into our daily lives keeps us grounded in Biblical principles. This shared spiritual journey reinforces our commitment to each other and to God.

Flexibility and spontaneity: This approach allows for flexibility. We can seize opportunities for togetherness whenever they arise, making our time together feel natural and unforced.

While the concept of date nights is lovely and works well for many, we have found that integrating quality time into our daily and weekly routines is more enriching and fulfilling for our relationship. This meaningful method helps us to stay connected, grow in our faith, and enjoy the journey of life together, hand in hand.

Keep the Fire Burning,
Danny

]]><![CDATA[Do You (Still) Like Your Spouse?]]>Wed, 06 Dec 2023 05:00:00 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/do-you-still-like-your-spouseBefore I loved my wife, Daniela, I liked her.

I enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her. We shared common interests, had similar convictions, and deep, lively conversations seemed to come naturally. (She was also from the same town where my Dad grew up, that helped with the connection. He was proud.) We were able to laugh and cry together. I saw myself building a life together with her and dreamed of things I wanted to do.

Not much has changed.

Except now we have bills.
And two boys that need to be raised.
And a master closet that needs to be remodeled.

What keeps us together is stronger than just liking each other (God's love and grace has everything to do with it) but we wouldn't be where we are today without having first liked each other (God's love and grace had everything to do with that as well). Although He has strengthened our relationship far beyond casual talk and dreams, we had small beginnings. Small but meaningful.

For the couple out there who feels they've gotten out of touch with each other, you might need to get back to the liking phase. If you feel stuck, there's no point dwelling on what got you here. Talk about it. Pray about it. Tackle the problem(s), not the person. But don't dwell. Move on. Commit to change (i.e., repentance).

Here are some simple suggestions you can start this week:

Look through some old photos and simply reminisce
Retell/revisit the details of your 'love story'
Go for a walk and talk
Read through the Psalms
Hug every time you see each other for the first (and/or last) time each day
Make a list of 5-10 things you are thankful for (about each other)
Pray together, daily

Keep the Fire Burning,
Danny]]><![CDATA[Ways to Worship as a Couple (Pt. 2 of 5)]]>Mon, 13 Feb 2023 19:25:41 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/ways-to-worship-as-a-couple-pt-2-of-52) Start and end your day with praise & thanksgiving

If you opened your eyes this morning and discovered that you still have breath, you have reason to rejoice! God gave you life, thank Him for it! Practice praise. Make it a priority at the start and end of each day.

Sometimes, it may look something like wrapping your arms around each other in the morning, saying I love you, and thanking God for another day. Other times, it’s the two of you grabbing a coffee (or a nutritional beverage), sitting on the couch, and reading a Psalm together. And still other times it might just be enjoying a beautiful drive, a walk at a nearby park, or a trip through the mountains, or by the ocean, in awe of the Creator.

From the very morning, as a couple, learn to turn your thoughts and focus upon God. It will put the rest of your day in proper perspective.

Worship is the expression of adoration for God. It is an acknowledgement of His worth (and, oh, what unfathomable worth) and all that He is.

A simple way to orient our lives and marriages towards the Lord is to pause to give thanks for who He is, what He has done, and what He is doing in our life.

Before you head out the door or begin your activities for the day, write down or verbally share with each other one thing you are thankful for. Do the same in the evening. I like to capture this in my gratitude journal. I write a short entry in the morning, on weekdays, before I begin work. To make it practical, and to help you put it into practice, I’ve included some examples of my entries. As you may notice, I write whatever is top of mind at that moment, a mixture of life’s events at the time, and prayers or desires of the heart. I usually start them with the phrase, Thankful for...

11/15/18: Thankful for the way Daniela prays for me; she asks God to give me physical strength and to give me wisdom in all I do (this is a short list!).

2/22/19: Thankful for sunshine, and a desk with a window (for now). Going through a transition at work, praying God gives us wisdom and things go well!

3/12/20: Thankful for God’s Word. We read Isaiah 35 last night before bed. Thankful that God is in control, and not man, of all things happening. He knows what tomorrow holds, so we will trust in Him.

1/2/22 (A few days after my father’s passing): Went to see dad’s (perishable) body today. Can’t wait to see Jesus. Thankful for God’s grace that sustains us.

4/21/22: Thankful that I’m starting to feel a little better. Lord, keep us healthy. And even if we’re not healthy, keep us holy! Thankful the appraisal went well. Lord, help me to trust You and not take things in my own hands.

Another simple and similar way to practice praise is by journaling together. We do this by occasionally exchanging a red journal between the two of us, in which we share our thoughts, prayers, inside jokes, reflections, joys, anxieties, and more. They are like modern day psalms.

As of the time of this writing, a portion of the last entry, written by Daniela, read:

Today I was talking with a mom at the bridal shower, and it almost broke my heart to hear that her kids, now older, raised in church, and in a good family, don’t follow the Lord. She asked me to pray for them with tears in her eyes. I felt her pain in my heart. It reminded me that no matter how much we will try, and how well we raise them, it’s only God’s grace that will save them. [Father, hear our prayers and bring our boys to salvation.]

Not only will journaling together help you to remember that God is good, so you can be rooted in Him and experience joy, it also will give you new insight into each other’s daily lives and what you’re thinking about. Sharing what you are thankful for communicates what was most significant in your day. Even on the hard days, when it’s a challenge to name something you are thankful for, this practice creates the opportunity to talk through what made your day hard with your spouse, helping bring your focus back to God.

This dedication to communicate frequently about what God is doing in your life, what you experienced throughout the day/week, what you’ve been thinking about, and so on, is a great way to keep intimacy alive during your marriage.

[Excerpt from Daily Altar]

]]><![CDATA[Ways to Worship as a Couple (Part 1 of 5)]]>Fri, 30 Dec 2022 00:56:05 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/ways-to-worship-as-a-couple-part-1-of-5

1) Attend and be active at a church together

Worship is not only for Sunday mornings, or whatever day you gather with fellow believers. However, the accountability, inspiration, and discipline of leaving your home to join with other Christians, worshipping God and learning from His Word, is a powerful act of obedience in your marriage.

If you’re currently engaged and happen to live far apart, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to attend church together. But that doesn’t mean you can’t share what’s happening and the different ways you are involved at the church you attend. Don’t worry, the day will shortly come when you can go to “church” together (I’m referring to the building).

God did not create us to function independently of the body of Christ, the believers. We need each other. Church is not only a place where you can use your gifts to bless others (see 1 Pet.4:10,11, NKJV) but a place where God uses others to bless you. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJV) tells us that meeting together is an essential part of growing in our faith.

We’ve seen couples drift because participating in the gathering of the saints was not a priority for them. One common narrative that we’ve heard from these couples goes something like this: We can’t seem to find a church that’s right for us. They’ll stay at one church for several months, maybe even a year or two and then go to another one. Then, the narrative repeats. Do you see a pattern? At some point, you must search yourselves and come to the hard reality that you may be the problem.

There is no perfect church because there are no perfect people. But that shouldn’t keep us from gathering in the presence of the One who is perfecting us.

Some might think that it can be a sacrifice to give up that one chance during the week to sleep in. If you have young children, you know that it can be a challenge getting everyone out the door on time. But the sacrifice is well worth it when you connect with a faith-community that resonates with your soul.

On that note, we need to be careful about what we call sacrifice. In the western world, we might get puffed up thinking that we are making a “sacrifice” by taking 2 hours out of our jam-packed week to attend a church service. Jesus didn’t die so that you can get a high on good performance. We go to church out of love. Go back to where we talked about The Circle of Spiritual Discipline, and you’ll recall that everything we do as a Christian is but a response of love to the love God has shown us.

Being active together with the church of God, the world-wide community of true believers, will be a means for much encouragement and correction. Speaking from experience, as you do life and ministry with your brothers and sisters, you will often be reminded about how much you don’t know, and how much you must learn. At the same time, you’ll also be reminded about how faithful God has been, and how far you’ve come, by His grace.

We grow as a couple in the context of a community. We need to hear the stories and perspectives of others to be encouraged to keep doing good.

]]><![CDATA[How Not to Pray for Each Other]]>Sun, 05 Jun 2022 19:07:11 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/how-not-to-pray-for-each-other[Excerpt from Daily Altar: 7 Disciplines of a Power Couple]

"...we should not make a career, so to speak, out of misapplying Galatians 6:2. Making it known to God is often sufficient. There are some, and for this context we’ll focus on married couples, who have a habit of sharing absolutely everything about their lives. The good, the bad, and the very ugly. Be wise. Some couples misuse this command to bear one another’s burdens to avoid their own responsibilities.

Habitually coming to the church family with requests and expectations for help or intervention is not a sign of maturity.

You may be quick to share publicly that your husband has a bad temper and got into a verbal altercation with a cop when he was stopped for speeding, but did you tell God about it?

If we err too far on the side of silence, we tend to become self-reliant (so we think), creating a distance between us and our brothers and sisters. But if we spill out complaints from an attitude of self-pity or self-righteousness, in the case of a spouse who shames their partner in public, we fail to mature and become dependent on others to solve all our problems."
]]><![CDATA[5 Things Single Men & Women Should Know Before Getting Married]]>Wed, 23 Feb 2022 05:00:00 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/5-things-single-men-women-should-know-before-getting-married

1. Intimacy doesn't start or end in the bedroom
Sex is holy (set apart for a specific purpose). In marriage, it is a beautiful gift, and we honor God, the Giver, when we accept the gift with joy and enthusiasm. A husband and wife honors Him when they cultivate physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy. And that's the key - all three of these areas must be cultivated.

Sex doesn’t create intimacy, it is a result of intimacy. You can’t fix a frail marriage by having more sex. Here's something you will probably never hear in church (or maybe you will, depending on where you gather) - Good sex, the way God created it, is a byproduct of your relationship with God and each other, not a result of cleverness, craftiness, or creativeness.

2. God is your treasure
Your spouse is not your treasure. Your children are not your treasure. Your job is not your treasure. Your hobby is not your treasure. Your physical, earthly belongings are not your treasure. If anything but God is your treasure, you will be miserable. God alone is our great reward, as He told Abraham in Genesis 15. In other words, He, and only He, is the One who fulfills our deepest needs.

3. You are called to work together at something
God doesn't bring you together with another human being, whom He made and loves deeply, so that you can just live selfish lives. He wants you to build and create, for His glory.

Drifting can happen to any couple. Don't think you're prone just because you're 'involved' in church, wear matching outfits on special occasions, say your prayers before bedtime together, or both agree that the Democrats have gone too far (did I just go too far?). You get the idea. Life is tough. You need to be clothed with the full armor of God.

When you're both doing something together on a consistent basis it will help build a hedge around idleness and, dare I say, boredom (for insight on this topic, READ HERE).

4. Don't have many friends
Read what the Bible says about friendship and you'll find that you don't need to have many of them. Not everyone will listen. Not everyone will really, truly care. Not everyone seeks to understand before speaking. Not everyone makes time for you. Not everyone is genuinely happy for you when things go good, or sad with you when things go bad. The list goes on. It takes a lot of energy and can cause a lot of heartache to try to maintain friendships with people that are better suited to simply be an acquaintance. Loving them doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of time with them or that you have to be friends.

Daniela and I can count on our hands the amount of friends we have, individually and together. It's like this on purpose.

Read Proverbs 18:24. The two words used for friend are different. One refers to the type of person who is not dependable, the other refers to one who loves. Know this - There is only One who is a True Friend to us. He has loved us and continues to love us like no one ever can. He took the wrath of God and drank the up of suffering. And...He calls us friend (John 15:15)! What love!

5. Pay attention to mentors
Don't think you know everything. Don't ignore your parents (if they are still living). Don't ignore the advice of couples or individuals who are further along than you in life. Reflect on the fact that you have a lot to learn and be thankful that God has put people in your life from whom you can learn. They will help you avoid unnecessary hardships, see things from a different perspective, and encourage you with wise counsel.

If any, some or all of these things are difficult for you or non-existent in your life, keep being unmarried. I'm not being harsh. (This is the way I would probably say it to my boys when they are older). Get alone with God until you realize how awesome He is. Get to know yourself better and pray boldly that God will uncover areas of your heart and life that need to be corrected, torn down, mended, and so on.

Keep the fire burning,
Danny

]]><![CDATA[Marriage Myth #2: He/She Is My Soulmate]]>Thu, 07 Oct 2021 01:17:15 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/marriage-myth-2-heshe-is-my-soulmate

[This is an excerpt and shortened version from the study series called 'Marriage: The Myth & The Meaning', shared with the young adults of our church earlier this year (2021)]

How it sounds: “There is one perfect person out there for me.”

Compatibility is not something you find, discover, test for, or stumble into. Compatibility is something you create over a lifetime of marriage. The biblical term for compatibility is “oneness.” Genesis 2:24 says, “they become one flesh.” You don’t find compatibility, you become compatible (Focus on the Family).

The idea that God designed a specific spouse for each person as a soulmate or perfect fit and apart from them you can never be happy is not Biblical. God does not have “the one” as your perfect spouse created from the beginning of time.

I didn't marry Daniela because she was my soulmate I married her because I love her and knew it was God's will for me to marry her. I had peace. Peace from God, not from a movie, novel or catchy love song. So much to unpack here but the order is vital. If you seek a soulmate you may end up with only that, a person who you label or think of as a soulmate, and around whom you can talk about your favorite shows, Insta-influencers, political videos, and even conspiracy theories (deep stuff). You might even get warm, fuzzy feelings, a fast heartbeat and sweaty palms...but they may have nothing to do with God. But if you seek God - sincerely, wholeheartedly - He will bless you with wisdom in choosing a spouse. A spouse who also loves God and seeks His kingdom and righteousness above all other things, including above marriage!

It's interesting how the question is asked in Proverbs 31:10, Who can find a good wife? There's the notion of seeking out...searching.

God's not against you searching for a spouse. He's against you searching without Him.

So, back to soulmates and thinking there is 'one' perfect person out there, reserved only for you...

The problem with this kind of belief is that it makes us think we won’t be complete until we find that person (our soulmate). This makes us believe we are half persons who need to raid the earth in search of our perfect mate so we can become one, so we can be whole and happy. This may explain why so many singles walk around downcast and with little joy.

God did not make us half of a person! God created us whole. Listen up single young person...You...Are...Whole...In Christ! In 1st Thessalonians 5:23-24, God tells us specifically, we were made holy, whole, and put together. It is because of God, in Christ, that this is possible! Not another person, not a soulmate. Refute this kind of thinking in your inner circles and social networks.

“May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!”

What Is a Soulmate? Where Does This Idea Even Come From?
In short, the concept of soulmates stems from Greek Mythology and the famous philosopher, Plato.

In his writing, the Symposium, he taught that men and women were made in one body and were separated by the gods. The Greek myth defined humans as having two faces, four arms, four legs and possessed incredible strength. But the Greek god Zeus feared humans had too much power and strength. He elected to slice every human being in half--thus sentencing us to roam the earth our entire lives in search of our missing half---our soulmate.

With time, this concept took on different forms in pop culture and eventually permeated into all parts of society (entertainment, literature, business, education, etc.), deceiving many. Jerry Maguire was a popular movie in the 1990's that promoted this soulmate idea, made famous (encapsulated) by the line that Jerry (Tom Cruise) says to Dorothy (Renee Zellweger)... "you complete me."

Sorry not sorry, Jerry, you DON'T complete me, only Jesus does!

Paul warns us in Colossians 2:8-10 about hollow and deceptive philosophy (soulmates falls in this category).

‘See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.’

Does God Give Us A Soulmate?
No. Besides Adam & Eve, nowhere in the Bible do we see God creating someone with the sole intent of being a good match/helper for someone else. We were created for so much more than marriage. Carefully consider the people who never get married! Those people exist too and God loves them and has a plan for them. Are they incomplete because they haven't found their soulmate, as some choose to (errantly) say? Did God mess up? (It's a rhetorical question.) - Note: In Myth #4 we debunk the notion that marriage is for everyone.

All of the above considered, this isn’t to say that God is not particular about who he has us marry or that He doesn't care. He absolutely does. We know that:

1) God cares about us deeply enough to know all the hairs on our head (Luke 12:7),

2) Carries out his will as he pleases (Psalm 135:6), and

3) Works for our good through all things (Romans 8:28).

So, God is intimately involved in who we spend the rest of our life with! He cares and gives us wisdom in how we choose, IF we care enough to ask Him (see James 1:5).

All the intimacy, love, and commitment that people want out of a soulmate can be found (only) within a godly marriage—but not because you found your soulmate and everything is perfect and easy and you go riding off into the sunset. But because of an obedience to God’s Word. And above all, God's grace.

Ephesians 5:22-33, and Colossians 3:18-21 are great starting points to understanding what a godly marriage should look like.

"It is possible to “find the one your soul loves” as Song of Solomon 3:4 reminds us—but not in an idolatrous-Jerry-McGuire kind of way. Instead, it’s in a healthy, godly way." (Crosswalk.Com)

Keep the fire burning,
Danny

]]><![CDATA[For Couples: A Simple Tip For Deeper Communication]]>Wed, 22 Sep 2021 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/for-couples-a-simple-tip-for-deeper-communication

Whether you recently got married or you've been married for several years, intimacy is important.

The men reading this probably thought immediately of sex. Yes, that's important, but keep in mind, it's a byproduct of spiritual and emotional intimacy, just as I wrote about HERE. I'm talking about intimacy in communication. Sharing, dreaming, exploring, challenging, learning, listening, explaining, and so much more. The problem is, it doesn't just happen. You have to work at it.

Here's a simple tip: Don't start with verbal communication. Start with written communication.

For the last few years, Daniela and I have been using a journal that we write in and then give back to each other. I even drew pictures in it to make it more creative and entertaining. Make it your own. I haven't wrote in it as much as I would have liked but it's getting better. The key is to keep it somewhat consistent and the purpose is to allow the written communication to spark/lead to verbal communication. Sometimes the entries are long and deep, other times they're short and simple.

So, if you have a spouse who is not very talkative and finds it hard to keep a discussion, grab a journal. Or, even if both of you have no problems with verbal communication, this is still a great way to keep the fire burning! Start small, maybe a simple love note or a thoughtful 'thank you.'

The back and forth creates a sense of excitement and the both of you start to look forward to the next entry. When you're done writing, place the journal in a spot where you know your spouse will see it, like on the table by their side of the bed or on an office chair. Again, make it your own!

]]><![CDATA[Happy Wife? 5 Stress-Triggers Every Husband Should Avoid]]>Thu, 15 Jul 2021 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/happy-wife-5-stress-triggers-every-husband-should-avoid

Attention all husbands (especially the newbies): Don't give your wife reasons to stress.

I know, sometimes this might seem impossible...and some of you are probably thinking, "Have you met my wife!?" LOL

The reality is, she already has enough to think about it.

After nearly 17 years of marriage (beginner here), I have made a mental (and now, written) list of some of the actions, lack of action, words, attitudes, or phrases that have triggered worry, stress or irritation in my wife. I like to think I have a good pulse on the state of our relationship but, of course, I must always keep learning. And I'd like to help you along the way. So...

As of July 2021, here is my short list of the things that will trigger stress in your wife. Yes, these are universal and commonly found in all couples who will be honest and care to admit to them.

1) Not having a handle on money
If you don't handle the finances in the family, this may not entirely pertain to you. But if you do, realize that what and how you communicate the state of your finances impacts your wife. If you've gotten in the pattern of giving her only bad news, not giving her any news, or just telling her everything is fine, it's time for a change.

Resolve: Set aside at least one day a week or every few weeks when the two of you talk about your finances. It doesn't have to be long or super detailed. Review your incoming & outgoing revenue, expenses/bills, repairs, major upcoming purchases (if any), etc. This keeps the two of you on the same page and eliminates or reduces any negative emotions around the M-word, money. For help with budgeting and cleaning up your finances, here's a free resource - The Reverse Engineered Budget.

2) Complaining about your job
I get it. Your manager is crazy, they're not paying you enough and you think you're better than everyone, even the employees that have been there 25 years. For those of you who have children, keep in mind that they can hear you complaining - this sets a terrible example and has a negative impact.

Look on the bright side: 1) you have a job, 2) you're alive and 3) you have a job and you're alive.

It's probably not work that's the problem, it's your attitude.

Resolve: Every morning before starting work, write a short entry into what I like to call, a Gratitude Journal. I've done this for the past few years and it works. Keep it simple but substantial. After about 2 weeks or so of entries, look back on what you wrote so you can gather a list of God's "benefits" (see Psalm 103). This will help your prayer and praise life!

3) Leaving house projects unfinished
This is one of the top on my still-left-to-do list (hah, you're laughing cause it's true with you as well). Daniela would agree. I'm good at starting projects and renovations. Not so good at finishing them.

Resolve: Make a list of all the projects around the house that you've started but haven't finished (the backyard patio, the refacing of the stairs, basement reno, kitchen, etc.). Categorize them by order of importance and cost. I have my list on my fridge. This will help you quickly get a visual of what you need to tackle first, second, and so on.

4) Not helping with "chores"
Routine, common tasks around the house are to be done by everyone who lives in the house, not just your wife. This is part of living in a house! By the way, it's bad if she has to keep reminding you of this (gulp). Make it a point, and I'm speaking to myself, to take initiative on the regular, mundane tasks that need to get done like washing the dishes, putting clothes away, taking out the trash, vacuuming, etc.

Resolve: Take ownership of specific chores and do them on a routine basis. Make a list if needed. If you have children, get them involved (if you haven't already). For example, every Monday, you'll be in charge of vacuuming the downstairs and emptying the trash. Switch chores up as needed. The idea is to do them TOGETHER.

5) Failing to build an altar
If your wife has never expressed this to you, let me be the first to tell you - She wants you to lead her. This has nothing to do with her being less of a Christian or human, for that matter. She just simply understands God's perfect work in the way He created us (male & female) and the unique roles and responsibilities He has entrusted to us. Like you, she wants God's best. Therefore, step up! If you don't, she will (if she hasn't already).

I understand that you did not have a good example growing up and that your family did not have an altar. I understand that you may have a past and feel ill-prepared. I understand that you are "busy." None of these excuses hold up. Why? Because, 1) in Jesus Christ, there is hope! We have the Word of God to guide us and the Spirit of God to empower us, 2) Because nothing else is as important - not work, not little Johnny's soccer practice, not the house projects, not even the 'work' you do at church. Your family is your first ministry.

Also, this goes without saying - If you're a parent, parent! This includes but is not limited to teaching your children, encouraging, leading by example, loving, spending time together, disciplining/correcting, and, most importantly, leading your family in the ways of the Lord. Fathers, we need to get this straight: We are not babysitters. You are a father. Act like one.

Note for wives: If you're not saved yourself and are into a worldly lifestyle, you won't really care if your husband doesn't take the lead on spiritual/faith matters. But if you're a believer and love the Lord, you must care!

Resolve: Repent. I don't have anything fancy or ultra-motivating to tell you. Turn to God. Seek His face. Ask Him, really ask Him, to teach you how to lead your wife and family into His presence (in the book of James, we are encouraged to ask God for wisdom). This will change your life and their life! If you need help getting started, here's a short E-book for you.

Keep the fire burning,
Danny

]]><![CDATA[10 Reasons A Husband And Wife Stop Being Friends]]>Thu, 15 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.altarpreneur.com/altarmarriage/10-reasons-married-couples-stop-being-friends

King Solomon and his Shulamite wife had a relationship that many married couples would probably like to have (if you haven't read Song of Solomon, go read it). What was at the heart of their relationship? The Shulamite revealed one of the key characteristics. Speaking of her husband, she declared, "This is my beloved, and this is my friend" (Song 5:16). Friendship was clearly at the foundation of their marital relationship and probably had to do a lot with their romance and intimacy.

Whether you've been married for 30 years or 30 weeks, this is an important question to consider: Why do some married couples stop being friends?

I've made an inventory from my own experience and from observing couples around us. Here's a short list:

1) He/She/Both stopped meeting with God regularly

2) Something or someone else got them more excited and 'stole' their attention

3) They stopped doing things together

4) The husband settled for the low bar of simply being a provider (such a misused and misinterpreted term)

5) The wife settled for the low bar of simply being, well, a wife (she is so much more, not to get cliche or anything but read Proverbs 31)

6) Children became more important (sometimes even used as an excuse not to spend time together; a huge No-No!)

7) They stopped surprising each other (Remember how you'd do things for each other? Unplanned, spontaneous things...)

8) They stopped praying together

9) They wanted some 'space' (whatever that means); They started living independently, like a single person

10) They talked and listened to each other less and less (with their eyes, ears, and heart)

How can a husband and wife be friends again?

1) Meet with God individually and together, daily. In other words, build an altar! Hearing each other pray is a powerful tool God uses to shape us.

2) Ask each other questions that lead to discussions that reveal feelings and emotions (What's on your mind? What are you worried about? What can I help with? What are you feeling? What can I do? Etc.)

3) Identify priorities in life and adjust your daily schedule to match; review it at least monthly (remember: 'things' and possessions are not priorities). To help, use this Covenant Planner.

4) Husband: Realize that you are called to much more than just 'providing.' If you bring food on the physical table, great, make sure you're bringing food on the spiritual table. To help, read THIS.

5) Wife: Your words can literally change your husband, for better or worse. Be a steward of empowering and righteous speech, that draws him near.

6) Put children in proper perspective. They will not be with you forever. Cultivating your marriage is the healthiest thing for them. For some insight and steps we're taking, read this POST.

7) Make time for talking and listening to each other. Do a weekly touchpoint or outing where the two of you simply come together just to be together.

8) Stop the blame game. Take responsibility; be accountable for the areas you failed in and prayerfully move in a different direction. Have you taken The Marriage Tension Test? It will help.

9) Rekindle the flame. Talk about how your relationship started and what the two of you used to do; maybe even bust out some old photos and videos. Repeat some of the activities you used to do together. For example, recently we started using a gratitude jar that we used years ago. We put short notes in it throughout the week/month, about things we're thankful for.

10) REPENT (This kind of sums everything up).

Keep the fire burning,
Danny

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