 1. Intimacy doesn't start or end in the bedroom
Sex is holy (set apart for a specific purpose). In marriage, it is a beautiful gift, and we honor God, the Giver, when we accept the gift with joy and enthusiasm. A husband and wife honors Him when they cultivate physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy. And that's the key - all three of these areas must be cultivated.  [This is an excerpt and shortened version from the study series called 'Marriage: The Myth & The Meaning', shared with the young adults of our church earlier this year (2021)]
How it sounds: “There is one perfect person out there for me.” Compatibility is not something you find, discover, test for, or stumble into. Compatibility is something you create over a lifetime of marriage. The biblical term for compatibility is “oneness.” Genesis 2:24 says, “they become one flesh.” You don’t find compatibility, you become compatible (Focus on the Family). The idea that God designed a specific spouse for each person as a soulmate or perfect fit and apart from them you can never be happy is not Biblical. God does not have “the one” as your perfect spouse created from the beginning of time. I didn't marry Daniela because she was my soulmate I married her because I love her and knew it was God's will for me to marry her. I had peace. Peace from God, not from a movie, novel or catchy love song. So much to unpack here but the order is vital. If you seek a soulmate you may end up with only that, a person who you label or think of as a soulmate, and around whom you can talk about your favorite shows, Insta-influencers, political videos, and even conspiracy theories (deep stuff). You might even get warm, fuzzy feelings, a fast heartbeat and sweaty palms...but they may have nothing to do with God. But if you seek God - sincerely, wholeheartedly - He will bless you with wisdom in choosing a spouse. A spouse who also loves God and seeks His kingdom and righteousness above all other things, including above marriage!  If you think dating websites and social media apps are destroying relationships today, you would have steered clear of cars in the 1900s (pun intended). Cars didn’t just speed up a historical shift from teenage codependence to independence, they fed the growth of an entire sub-culture.
Think about it: Buses began to drive students further from their homes. One-room schoolhouses eventually gave way to large buildings (schools) filled with unsettled crowds of adolescents and their hormones.* According to historians and spiritual leaders, this is pretty much what started the moral decay of young men and women of teen age years and what eventually led to, or influenced in some way, the sexual revolution of the 1960's in the USA. Things have come a long way since then. They are way worse. There is a new line being crossed When talking with a younger couple, not yet married, it does not take long to get a sense of whether or not they have passed the line. (I know, some of you are thinking, Did he just go there?) Here is a brief excerpt from the teaching series we are currently covering with the young men and women from our church (Marriage: The Myth & The Meaning). Additional resources will be available later this year, with Gods help. 1. Because your friends are getting married
If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? This is an absurd, rhetorical question, of course! The point is, you must live the life God gave you and not copy what someone else is doing. Just because it is time for your friend to get married doesn’t mean it’s time for you to get married. Plus, you may be seeing just the exterior of someone’s love life. Deep down, they may be entering marriage foolishly; don’t be envious. If anything, pray for any/all of your friends who seem to be rushing into marriage, without counting the cost. Not a few have entered marriage because it’s the popular thing to do. Seeing everyone’s proposals and engagements on your social media feed doesn’t help the matter. All my friends are getting married, why should I be left behind? Peer pressure is so great at certain times in life that it can dull or blind your focus; some even become delinquent or irresponsible in certain areas of life such as school, work, ministry or family life. Far too many have impulsively run off to get married on a dare, or because others were doing it. Hasty decisions can generate a life-time of bitter experiences. Marriage should not be entered into carelessly! How can a single man or woman overcome this pressure? a. By seeking to please God. Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. (1 Thessalonians 4:1) Getting married because your friends are getting married might be exciting but it can be short-lived. Before thinking of how your friends will react or seeking to fit in, be concerned with what God thinks. Is it His will? Are your motives pure? In all we do, especially marriage, we should seek to please God. b. By growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. (2 Peter 3:18) With God, there is always more. More to learn, to discover, to embrace. Make spiritual maturity a priority, while you are single (and after too, of course). This will be a blessing for you and your future spouse. c. By walking/associating with wise people. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20) If your ‘friends’ are causing you to awaken love at a time when love should not be awakened, stop hanging out with them. We know that whoever we associate with we tend to become like and if we’re associating with people who are Christ-like, we’ll become wise. We know that wisdom tends to rub off so why not walk or associate with those who are wise, meaning Biblically wise. The only other choice is to suffer harm from being the companion of fools (or those who don’t have the Spirit of God).  Here is a link to a short video Daniela and I shared on Instagram, especially for young couples who are not yet married. When is it appropriate to say the 'L' word? Here are two Biblical tips...
Video: When to say 'I love you' { Adapted from A Leaders Heart Devotional, J.Maxwell } Through the vow of the Nazirite (see Numbers 6), God provided a way for both men and women to specially consecrate themselves to the Lord for a special time and purpose. Leaders such as Samson made this vow, committing to abstain from wine and strong drink, to leave their hair uncut, and to avoid contact with corpses. They gave up certain rights or options in order to live at a higher standard. They did so not to stand in judgment of others, but to discipline themselves against the temptations of the day. How can today's (young) men and women apply the principle behind the Nazarite vow?   We asked the infamous question singles around the world have been asking for ages...How do I know if he/she is the one? (i.e. the person I should marry).
We got some good answers from our friends! Take a look at our IG post for details... FINDING THE ONE |
ABOUTShort, Biblical lessons and free resources on all things love & marriage. A pocket-guide for married couples and for single adults who want Gods best for their life. ARCHIVES
June 2024
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