Negative is relative.

A manager who gives you negative feedback is actually doing a very positive thing by giving you a chance to improve. Like a doctor who tells you about a small tumor, the very first time he sees it. Just because you receive it as something negative doesn't mean it is. These kind of managers show that they care. They could just as easily ignored the wrong, let you fail, and eventually fire you. The best companies have learned to build a culture where negative feedback is actually welcomed because everyone knows that it's a bridge to continuous improvement.

Here's what I've tried to put into practice and some of the tips I've picked up from current and former managers when sharing negative feedback; otherwise known as constructive criticism.

First, start with something positive. If they keep missing a step when downloading the monthly report, start by telling them you're glad that they show up every day with a positive attitude.

Second, be direct about the negative feedback. Be clear about what they're doing wrong. Tell them they forgot to include the pivot table. Don't be angry, condescending, or loud.

Finally, provide steps for improvement and paint a picture of a better future. Be specific about what needs to change and help them get there. Show them how to add the pivot table.

If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. - Prov. 15:31,32

You can't control what people say. Or, can you?

There are at least 3 kinds of ‘talkers’ at work:

• Those who have something to say that others can actually use or benefit from (these employees enjoy genuine discussion and build relationships),
• those who consistently vent or complain but have no intention of making personal changes to improve themselves or the company (you know who they are, no need to expand),
• those who want to pass the time because they can’t stay focused on their work (these are the ‘nice’ ones that you can’t really say anything negative about, but you just know they should not be wandering around so much or constantly chatting).

If you’re a leader, you need to know how to control a conversation so that it doesn’t turn into a long, pointless exchange.

It’s an art.

It can’t really be learned but here are some steps you can take that will help guide most discussions:

1) Have the end in mind. Be the tour guide. See the finish line and...get there!
2) Ask: What’s the point? Why are these words coming out of his/her mouth? Keep it focused.
3) Wear a smile on your face. Somehow, someway, it just tends to help.
4) Nod. Use body language. Show that you’re really listening.
5) Change the subject stealthily.
6) If and when required, ignore what they say altogether. This takes some practice to get it down right, so they don’t think you’re being insulting. Use with discretion.
7) Keep walking (away) resolutely, as if you need to get somewhere; kind of ties in with #6 but doesn’t require as much explanation. 
8) Ask leading questions.

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. - Prov. 13:3

Next time you're in the middle of a tense meeting and there are co-workers talking loudly and/or aggressively, when your turn comes to speak, do the exact opposite. Talk calmly and gently.

Just watch how the atmosphere changes.

It's never just about what we say. It's how we say it. So think twice (or thrice) next time you want to make a point. Anyone in the room can be loud and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

Only the wise ones will speak with purpose.

"A soft answer turns away wrath but harsh words stir up anger." - Proverbs 15:1